


The Answer Was Here All the Time

by zannawrites



Category: Glee
Genre: Early!Klaine, Klaine, M/M, Pining, ok they aren't dating yet but still, pining!kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 10:31:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16808902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zannawrites/pseuds/zannawrites
Summary: Kurt was doomed.Ok, so maybe that was a slight exaggeration. But it certainly felt like that some days. And as time went on that stomach fluttering, heart palpitating feeling grew so much stronger. Maybe it was because Kurt didn’t know how to handle it. He’d had crushes before, sure, but none were quite as bad as this oneORKurt's got it bad for Blaine. He has some conflicting thoughts on his feelings.





	The Answer Was Here All the Time

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a line from "Don't Cry For Me Argentina", aka my favorite Glee number bc Kurt is an angel. The line goes "The answer was here all the time, I love you and hope you love me". 
> 
> I really debated not posting this because I wrote it between the hours of 1 and 3 am. I just wanted to get some things down and out of my head. Well I recently put an ending on it, so I might as well post something. I hope at least a few people can relate to the thoughts I imagined Kurt had in his mind, as well as thoughts that I have myself at times. Thanks for reading!

Kurt was doomed. 

Ok, so maybe that was a slight exaggeration. But it certainly felt like that some days. And as time went on that stomach fluttering, heart palpitating feeling grew so much stronger. Maybe it was because Kurt didn’t know how to handle it. He’d had crushes before, sure, but none were quite as bad as this one. The others were on boys he knew he would never and could never have. They were silly, he knew now, and only meant to give him something to daydream about. It had felt nice to go to that place in his mind where he had someone to hold and someone to kiss and someone to ask him how his day was. Thinking about them now almost made him laugh. 

This one though… this one was different. It had been going on for well over a month, this confusing back and forth game of flirty remarks and soft lingering touches. Kurt didn’t know what to think of it all. He did think of it, though. Maybe a little too much. Like when he was zoning out in math class, gazing dreamily out of the window. Or when he was lying in bed at night, clutching his comforter and staring up at the ceiling. He fantasized of the too friendly text messages being whispered out loud, close to his ear. He thought of Blaine’s hand on his shoulder staying just a little bit longer. 

Thinking about it drove him crazy. He’d spend the whole night drowsily thinking about soft kisses and lingering looks, only to realize the next morning that none of it had happened. Oh, but it had the _potential_. That was what killed Kurt the most. It _could happen_. Because here was this gorgeous, kind, actually gay boy who cared about him- who sang flirty duets with him. Who listened to him cry over the phone. Who came to his house to help him with calculus and stayed longer than he needed to. Who kind of, maybe just a little bit, in some possible way, actually felt the same way about Kurt.

Kurt remembered what Blaine had said at The Lima Bean. He told Kurt that he really cared about him, and that he wasn’t good at romance. (Which was total bull, Kurt thought, because the messages that Blaine sent him were enough to make him blush from his ears to his toes. The way that Blaine listened intently to him ramble on about this or that like he was the only person in the world made his heart feel like it was being squeezed. That seemed like romance enough, didn’t it?) Kurt knew then that Blaine wasn’t ready for a relationship. He knew that, and he respected it. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t hope. The reference to _When Harry Met Sally_ and the fond look that crossed Blaine’s face when Kurt ordered his coffee for him gave him that hope. A small part of his brain told him it was dumb to hold on to those small parts of that afternoon. However, another part of his brain told him that he had to hold on to them as tightly as he could. 

Blaine was just perfect. Kurt didn’t know how else to describe him. He was caring, and beautiful, and funny, and strong. His imperfections just made him more endearing, like how completely oblivious and sometimes impulsive he was. More importantly though, he was Kurt’s best friend. They had the same interests, spent all of their spare time together, and told each other everything. It wasn’t just that Kurt was desperate for a boyfriend. He wanted _Blaine_. He wanted to spend more time with him, be closer to him. He wanted so much more of Blaine that it made him feel silly sometimes. 

He felt especially silly after snapping out of frequent daydreams. Now, Kurt wasn’t one that thought too much about sex, but the things that he did think about made him blush the color of the red piping on his uniform. Blaine’s lips on his neck, or his hand on his thigh. Running his hands through Blaine’s thick hair. Holding his hand. They were innocent enough to everyone else, but to Kurt they were things that he felt embarrassed to think about. To him, they were almost as scandalous as sex. He knew he shouldn’t have felt as uncomfortable as he did, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t know if it was a small remainder of internalized homophobia, his discomfort with having a crush on his best friend, or just how powerful and new the feelings were that made him feel that way. Whatever it was, he knew that he had to keep it to himself; if Blaine wanted to be with him, he’d come to him with time. He didn’t want to freak him out by telling him the things he thought about and how much they affected him. And if Blaine didn’t want to be with him, well…

Well that would just suck, wouldn’t it?

So Kurt was stuck. He didn’t want to make a move and risk losing his best friend, but he also didn’t want to risk a possibility of those feelings fading. Sure, it was a constant pain to not know if the feelings were mutual or not. It was hard for Kurt to describe, but he kind of liked having all of those thoughts and the possibilities vibrating around in his brain. He liked having such strong feelings towards one person that he already really cared about. For once, it felt like something was happening. Like he was making some kind of progress. Even if that progress was moving so, so slowly…

Kurt snapped out of his thoughts as the very subject of them rounded the corner. He pushed himself away from the wall and returned the blinding smile that Blaine shot his way when they made eye contact. Damn, even that smile had Kurt’s brain short circuiting. He nervously readjusted the strap of his bag.

“Ready to go?” Blaine asked, the smile not faltering. Kurt loved that about him too, how he could hold this brilliant smile that made his eyes shine and Kurt fill up with warmth. For a beat, Kurt wished Blaine just wouldn’t smile at him like that, but then that thought was replaced with _god, please look at me like that all the time_. 

Kurt nodded, his own smile tight, and then offered a weak, “Yeah,” in response. _This is fine. Things will be fine. They’ll work out eventually_ , Kurt thought, desperately trying to convince himself.

Blaine draped his arm over Kurt’s shoulders and gave his arm a squeeze with his other hand. Kurt tried his best not to stiffen; he should be used to it now. Through their friendship, Kurt had learned that Blaine was very touchy and could be rather clingy. Simultaneously good and bad qualities in Kurt’s mind. 

Ok. He could do this. _Hang in there, Hummel. Something’s bound to happen eventually, right?_


End file.
